A time to weep and a time to laugh

The last three weeks, as many of you know, have been very difficult for our family. Josh's dad Terry had been very sick since the weekend of Jack's birth. At Christmas, doctors discovered that he had a rare type of liver cancer and because of other liver damage, may not have much longer to live. Of course we all hoped for the best and were glad to hear he had gained some strength after his long hospital stay in Dec/Jan. On March 28th, we got a phone call from Barb, Josh's mom, who said that Terry was back in the hospital after being very weak and somewhat confused for a few days. His liver functions didn't look good. We knew we had to go be with him. Josh's work graciously gave him vacation time and other days so that we could spend as much time as we needed with Josh's family. We left on April 7th and 1,358 miles later arrived at the farm. When we first saw Terry, we were shocked. He had lost so much weight and was so weak and jaundiced. It broke our hearts because we knew instantly that Terry was dying. We spent the first few days doing what we could to help around the house and farm, relieving Barb and Josh's sister Maddy, who had been working so hard to take care of Terry. Josh used his EMT skills to monitor Terry's vital stats, etc. and help empty the liver drain bag. I tried to help Barb in the kitchen and around the house so that she could get some rest. And Jack was a wonderful blessing to everyone....smiling, loving on his aunt and Grandma, making his Grandpa smile. Though Terry was sick, he enjoyed watching Jack do a few "firsts"...Jack ate his first baby food aside from cereal and gave us all a laugh when he shuddered after his first taste of bananas. He also rolled over from his back to his stomach in front of Grandpa for the first time.

One of the reasons we wanted to be with Terry was to be able to talk to him about the hope that is in our Lord Jesus Christ...a hope for joy and peace and eternal life with Him. We knew Terry needed this hope in his heart now more than ever before. He was not in peace...while we knew there would be pain, we ached to see the turmoil his soul was in. On April 15th, Josh was able to talk to his father and Terry, very certainly, said that he "most definitely" believed that Christ was His Savior! Praise the Lord! From that moment...there was a change in his disposition. He had found the peace we had been praying for. He was loving and kind in his requests to those taking care of him.

On April 16th, hospice staff arrived to admit Terry into the program. We knew that we needed nurses to help care for him and that he was getting weaker and weaker. During the admission process, Terry heard that his last bilirubin count was extremely high...news that startled him. It was then that he realized his body was truly failing him. Before I put Jack to sleep that night, Terry asked to hold him. I placed Jack in his Grandpa's arms...for the first and only time. Terry held Jack up close to his face to see him (his eyesight was failing) and kissed his face. All of us were in tears most of that night...Josh, Barb, Maddy and I all did not sleep much at all. At different points, we each spent some time with Terry, who was unable to sleep and sat up most of the night on the couch. During those tender moments, Terry told each of us how much he loved us and what we meant to him. It was a precious thing to be able to hold his hand, kiss his forehead and tell him how much I loved him.

By the next afternoon, Terry was going downhill very quickly. The hospice nurse had come that morning and said that Terry had maybe a week left at most. But we could see that Terry's fight to live was ending. He was at peace and was ready to go. I was with him in the living room while hospice staff were setting up a hospital bed and chair and I suddenly felt the urge to pray with Terry. I asked if I could and he said, "Oh, please do." He held my left hand with his left hand and placed his right arm around my shoulders. I thanked the Lord for the gift of Terry's life and the legacy of love he was leaving for all of us. I asked him to relieve Terry's pain and give him rest and peace. And I thanked Him for the promise of eternity with Him...with no pain or sadness. Terry said, "Yes, Lord...I'll be with you...no pain, no pain." He then asked me to help him lay down. This was about 2:45pm and I knew that he was leaving us. I ran out to get Josh who was helping with farm work. We were able to play a CD of hymns, at Terry's request, and when the first hymn played - "Holy, Holy, Holy" - he softly said, "I love this song." He drifted in and out of sleep and consciousness and had one more moment where he wanted to sit up and try to get to a chair, but his body was much too weak. By 3:45 or so, he was breathing heavily and no longer focused on us...he had slipped into a kind of coma. Josh and I were holding his hands, Barb was sitting next to him, we prayed and asked the Lord to take Terry into his arms and then he quietly took his last breath at 4:30pm. It was a moment I will never forget, as long as I live.

We grieve the loss of this special man...someone who had such a presence in all of our lives and meant so much to all of us. But we rejoice to know that one day, we will see him again in heaven...with a whole body and with his big, booming voice. We miss him so much. But God is so good to have orchestrated the events the way he did....to have us there in time to spend a week or so with Terry beforehand, to be there for his passing, to help Barb the week after and to be there for the memorial service on April 25th. We are so grateful for the prayers of all of our friends and family...we were truly held up by those prayers and felt each one.

We also want to take a moment to share with you all the importance we felt in having been able to say goodbye to Terry with no regrets. We had deep, wonderful relationships with him while on earth and did not let petty disagreements or differences interfere with them. We were able to boldly share the Gospel with him in a loving way so that he was sure of his place in heaven. I was able to pray with him just less than two hours before the Lord took him home....a moment I would have missed if I had been embarrassed or felt awkward about it. Time is short here on earth. We need to spend as much of it as we can with investing in the relationships God gives us while we are here and in making sure others know the hope and life that is in Christ. He did not die on the cross only for us to have the certainty of eternal life. He promised to give us "an abundant life" while on earth. A life filled with grace and forgiveness and peace that we can share with others.

I am so grateful for Terry's life and how he was able to bear fruit for Christ even in the last two days. I miss him so much and miss the fact that Jack will not grow up knowing his Grandpa in a personal way. But we will make sure he knows all about him...and how he loved his grandson and held him the day before he died.

We created a photo montage tribute for Terry, which was played at his memorial service. It shows the vibrant life Terry led as an all-American kid in the 40s and 50s, one of the youngest Eagle Scouts, a prominent athlete who went on to play football at Ohio State University, a man who loved adventure, but also loved his family and took them along for the ride as he bought his first farm, then became a commercial fisherman on the Gulf Coast and then returned to Ohio to work on his second farm. He was a wonderful grandfather and loved each of his grandchildren in special ways. And, he left behind lots of people who needed a father figure and found it in Terry. As a tribute to him, just under 100 people came to his memorial service. Among them was a man who went to elementary school, high school and college with Terry but hadn't kept in touch with him since then, several young men who helped Terry on the farm and loved him like a father, many cousins, his two nieces from Seattle and New York and many others. He was well-loved and will be truly missed. We hope you enjoy the video tribute to him.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And, since we had so many wonderful shots of Jack and the farm and our road trip, we created another video montage of those pictures. We have many special memories of the past three weeks. Life is continuing in our precious little boy...who even bears the resemblance of his grandfather.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com